Fenton Dink was a man with a mission. That mission was to make the best cheesesteak sandwich in all of Death Henge, a small town in the rust belt area of Ullk, just south of the Poison Ridge Mountains. His culinary ambitions were stoked by the politely tepid praise of his friends and family and by endless reruns of small-town success stories on Food Network. Dink was hampered, however, by two problems. First, he was unaware that the entire area of Ullk had been hexed by Duke Eekrah the Nasty in a fit of pique after an unsatisfactory meal at a roadside inn, meaning that nobody in Ullk had any functional tastebuds. Further, Dink’s Food Network idols were the ones who couldn’t actually cook, like Guy Fieri and Sandra Lee. Fink was consequently convinced that the key to a really great sandwich was using the biggest can of cheese sauce available.
While attempting to open a fifty-gallon can of Frog Cheese Sauce, Third Grade (“Not for Human Consumption”) Fink had a terrible accident with the can opener and accidentally removed the top portion of his skull. This did not lead to a really great sandwich, but it did lead to the sudden acquisition of tremendous psychic powers. Fink realized that with his newfound mind control abilities he could just compel everyone to say his sandwiches were terrific, rather than actually perfect the recipe. He did so, and, after receiving the James Beard Award, he wandered off to seek his fortune in the army.
Aside from the whole exposed-brain thing, Dink doesn’t look quite human, but then nobody in Ullk does. He’s actually one of the better-looking ones.
